The 34s came to be in the dregs of society known as West Haven, Connecticut, sometimes also referred to as Connecticut’s butthole. The band Mack Jovin had become the number 1 selling band in Botswana (though they only sold 124 records in the rest of the world), and decided they had reached their musical peak. The band quietly disbanded, but Jay and Dane, fixtures of the local Connecticut music scene, encouraged Joe Q and Zigmund “Mike” Szeligowski to continue playing; not because their music was good, but because they had an insane amount of sex appeal, which the scene had been notoriously lacking.
Jay and Dane were going through some changes as well. Their band, The Social Clowns, were playing a set one night and their furious, frenetic fretwork caused their instruments to spontaneously combust, injuring their other bandmates. Jay and Dane sent the other bandmates to Australia to slumber, feed, and recover. A clever pair, they knew they could continue their musical growth and evolution by combining their flawless musicianship together with the rugged good looks of Joe and Mike. Joe and Mike, whose musicianship began to rival their sexiness over time, agreed that there must be a band to entertain the drug addicts and alcoholics at various Connecticut dive bars. Thusly, the 34s were formed.
Their music has been described as a mix between Seal and Cannibal Corpse…with a dash of Taylor Swift. They have set lofty goals for themselves as well. Jay and Dane wish to help achieve Mike and Joe’s dream of becoming the number one band in Guam. Mike and Joe want to help Jay and Dane achieve their goal of inciting a riot at Donovan’s Reef due to excessive cussing and pelvic thrusts. The band’s combined goal is to become the first band to play live, as well as settle their differences and transgressions with their significant others, on Jerry Springer.